I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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