theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
