my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
