Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize