i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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