They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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