awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
