You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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