You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
