If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
