I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize