There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
