she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
