Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
