look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
