You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize