I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
