i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
