This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
