you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
