3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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