I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
