I'm jealous of your bromance
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
