I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize