We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
