What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
