Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
