I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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