I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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