Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
