Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
