No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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