Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
