i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
