Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
