I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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