I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
