Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
