guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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