What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
