Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
