Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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