This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
