You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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