just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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