My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
