fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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