my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
