I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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