i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize