I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
