I'm gonna have a badass scar
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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