is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize