I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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