we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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