Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
