ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
this hospital has no fireball
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