Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
