So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
