I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
