I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My vagina just clenched in fear
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
