There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
