we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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