You smell like a Billy Joel song
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
