How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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