Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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