Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
zippers are such a cool invention
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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