My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
