He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My cat gives me a boner
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize