This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
