the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm at about main and main street
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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