I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
